Back to basics

A poem

The door slammed shut behind her
from an eager thrust

perched upon the throne
she braced

ready to let it have it
like the noble savage she is
her nose upturned, pointing east
toward the squatting pans

can’t fight progress
she thought

feeling a smug air
blow past her haemorrhoids

I wonder if it’s all it’s cracked up to be
this civilised society
we attest to

am I working to live
or, living to work?
I’m not sure

but, we’ve come a long way
from our hunter gatherer roots

she appended

Im still hunting and gathering
ideas, beliefs and convictions
finding out who I am
what I’m all about

what matters to me
and why

what it all means

- this “life” thingy

that last glass of red wine
has gone to my head …
what was I thinking about, again?

you’re so often the lubricant
which brings unsolicited opinions
singing from our open orifices


now, if I could only
stay on track …


with my train of thought

I’m an arsehole with an opinion
or …



what was it, again?

maybe, the other way around
I’m an opinion with an arsehole

hmm …

oh yeah!

opinions are like arseholes
everyone has one

too true

hehe hoho


I like that one most
and of all the crude sayings

chiming faithfully in the wind
that, likening opinions

with arseholes
in the gut

I must add
though - true, everybody has one
unlike my arsehole
I do not feel the necessity

to keep my opinion clean

… and sometimes it trickles out
when I have too much alcohol

meanwhile, a semi-autonomous hand
oblivious to the toilet epiphany going on upstairs
acted on muscle memory
busying itself with the aforementioned task.

© Darius the Mate

Written for dVerse.

Sorry/Not sorry, for the toilet humour.

What is life without community? I would love to connect with other nicecissists out there. Reach out, let me know what you think in the comments, and of course, give me a follow for more – nice!

Wordplay Pathway

24 thoughts on “Back to basics

    1. Thank you, Ain. I’m glad you enjoyed it – I was having some fun writing it. Im strictly about highbrow humour, after all – 😉 wink, wink, nudge, nudge. You have a fine eye, and an impeccable sense of humour, sir.


  1. Unlike opinions, starfish contemplations like this one are done in private and not inflicted on others. Too many fece-flinging monkeys in the world, if you ask me. When some opinionated type starts up, it’s time for me to excuse myself and find the ladies’.

    Liked by 2 people

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