A poem
The door slammed shut behind her
from an eager thrust
perched upon the throne
she braced
ready to let it have it
like the noble savage she is
her nose upturned, pointing east
toward the squatting pans
can’t fight progress
she thought
feeling a smug air
blow past her haemorrhoids
I wonder if it’s all it’s cracked up to be
this civilised society
we attest to
am I working to live
or, living to work?
I’m not sure
but, we’ve come a long way
from our hunter gatherer roots
kinda
she appended
Im still hunting and gathering
ideas, beliefs and convictions
finding out who I am
what I’m all about
what matters to me
and why
what it all means
- this “life” thingy
damn
that last glass of red wine
has gone to my head …
what was I thinking about, again?
alcohol
you’re so often the lubricant
which brings unsolicited opinions
singing from our open orifices
do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti
now, if I could only …
stay on track …
*hiccup*
with my train of thought …
I’m an arsehole with an opinion
or …
something
wait
what was it, again?
maybe, the other way around
I’m an opinion with an arsehole
hmm …
oh yeah!
opinions are like arseholes
everyone has one
too true
hehe hoho
*hiccup*
I like that one most
and of all the crude sayings
chiming faithfully in the wind
that, likening opinions
with arseholes
resonates
in the gut
I must add
though - true, everybody has one
unlike my arsehole
I do not feel the necessity
to keep my opinion clean
… and sometimes it trickles out
when I have too much alcohol
meanwhile, a semi-autonomous hand
oblivious to the toilet epiphany going on upstairs
acted on muscle memory
busying itself with the aforementioned task.
© Darius the Mate
Written for dVerse.
What is life without community? I would love to connect with other nicecissists out there. Reach out, let me know what you think in the comments, and of course, give me a follow for more – nice!
Wordplay Pathway https://nicecissist.blog
nicecissist 
Glad to be privy to contemplation in the privy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Paean, it’s a pleasure to share this small space with you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, I say its the place to say what you really want to say or think of saying.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Plenty of time for shit talking. Thanks for the comment, Grace.
LikeLike
Oh… maybe our visits to the loo is the only place where we can really feel the calmness to let the thought wander… especially if we lubricate with wine.
It is a pity having to clean the toilet afterwards.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for stopping by, Björn. We need to take our thoughtful moments where we can.
LikeLike
Brava. Simply. Brava.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Helen.
LikeLike
A thoroughly enjoyable read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Ron.
LikeLike
Lovely
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Selma. 🙂
LikeLike
Darius – this is a hilarious conceit 🙂
*LAUGHING*
-David
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you mate – it’s done it’s job! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kudos to you for writing this unique toilet epiphany! It is so visceral (literally), especially that dizzying disjointed thinking that alcohol brings about.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Ingrid 😄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! This was so clever! Very readable and delightful wordplay…but…the agony, definitely. But poems like this is what poetry is for..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Ain. I’m glad you enjoyed it – I was having some fun writing it. Im strictly about highbrow humour, after all – 😉 wink, wink, nudge, nudge. You have a fine eye, and an impeccable sense of humour, sir.
LikeLike
Unlike opinions, starfish contemplations like this one are done in private and not inflicted on others. Too many fece-flinging monkeys in the world, if you ask me. When some opinionated type starts up, it’s time for me to excuse myself and find the ladies’.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeah, sounds like a real mess. Better get to safety!
Thanks for the comment, fireblossom.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Too many fece-flinging monkeys in the world” – this might be one of the best descriptions of current affairs that I have ever read. You have made my day.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Millions of years of evolution and it all comes down to basics!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So often so! Thanks for the prompt and comment, Dora.
LikeLiked by 1 person